Who am I?
Who am I?
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A question every time I ask myself that leaves me with visible "???" in my head and I never fail to verbalise the "uhm..."
Even now as I'm writing this down, the answer is no less clearer than it has been till date. I hope my new found affinity for writing will help clear that in the near future.
Who am I?
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A question a lot of us struggle to answer with complete satisfaction, it's comforting to know this is a predicament not unique to me, but I don't want to be comfortable anymore. I want to know who I am.
I can easily tell you who I've been and it pleases me to know that I'm not entirely satisfied with that either. I look at me now and see there's much to improve, but also there's much I have improved. It's comforting to know this. I don't want to be comfortable. I read somewhere, if you feel embarrassed of your past self it is a sign of that you've grown. Yes. There's more out there and in me, so...
Who am I?
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Still this question haunts me. I try to answer... but the words, they're there. I can feel them... but I can only grab a few... I am a designer. I know this is true and I'll fight anyone who says otherwise. I'm actually surprised. I don't think I've shown a stronger conviction about who I am until now.
I find it funny how I know who I've been, and I know who I want to be, but I can never seem to figure out who I am in the moment. The more I do, the more the answer becomes clear to me, because with every action I take, every choice I make. I am one step closer to who I want to be or who I don't want to be.
I finally know now. I want to be a builder, a creator. I laugh at myself... how could I be so lost for so long, the answer was clear as day, because I've known all along who I wanted to be. I knew all the way back, when I was a 7th grader. I knew there's someone I wanted to be: shshnkbhskr. It's a name I knew would be important, it would hold identify me in a new world - the internet. I wasn't online back then, not really but I knew I had to pick the right one.
The name itself means nothing. The idea behind it is everything.
So... who am I?
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I fear this question will haunt me until the very end, but it's not so scary anymore. I finally know I'm asking the wrong question, what I should be asking is who do I want to be and work towards becoming him, so when I look back and see who I've been. It won't matter anymore.